can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
