They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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