I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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