With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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