I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
