He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
