I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.