I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.