I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
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Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."