God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
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ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
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I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me