Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We're too hungover to prance.