We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
