You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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