i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
