Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
is it fun? or sober?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
