i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
