she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
