Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
