Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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