the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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