i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
