Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
