I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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