as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
