just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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