no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just want nice things and good sex
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
