i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
