When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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