i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
