You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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