my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
