i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
