His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
