Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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