Im at strip club and am horny
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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