I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
