And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
