OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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