I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
