aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
