you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
No stitches, just platelets and will power
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
