She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.