just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
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Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
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That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.