So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.