if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
