What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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