Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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