when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
