Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
