I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
