He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
