dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
