tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
