I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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