batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
