Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
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Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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