well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
