I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
PS: I just woke up from my shower
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize