1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
