I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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