it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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