im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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