Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
