i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
