When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
