i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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