After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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