You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
