There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
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No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
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I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
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