hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
