morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
