I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
