sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
