I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
