and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
