Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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