Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
